What Assassins Shouldn't Do
by The Hunter Club
Summary: Two things assassins shouldn't do while wearing hidden blades. R&R!


**This story is AU. I wrote the first part after I read 'When Desmonds Away The Assasins Will Play' and its sequel. The second part is of my own invention. ENJOY!**

**Assassins shouldn't face-palm**

It was just another quiet day. With Altair, now 29, studying the Apple in his room and the other assassins doing whatever assassins do when they aren't assassinating people. Altair was calmly staring at the Apple when Malik knocked on the door.

"What are you doing, Novice?" he asked as he walked in.

He tried to ignore the novice remark. "Trying to understand how this object works. It has shown me many things yet I understand none of it."

"If you weren't such a novice, it might be easier to understand," he suggested with a smirk.

"Stop calling me a novice."

"No. Novices are called novices. And you are a novice." His smirk was growing larger every time he spoke. "So novice is what I shall call you."

"You will not call me novice. I am a master Assassin, I expect to be treated like one."

"You are a novice to me. I do not care what you say you are still a novice."

"Fine then. If you insist on calling me novice, I will call you rafiq, it is only fair." He was trying to annoy Malik but his plan seemed to backfire.

"It is fair. I am a rafiq and you are a novice. Why should we be ashamed to be called as such, eh novice?" he asked, a wide grin splitting his face.

"STOP CALLING ME A NOVICE!" Malik's grin only grew wider.

"No, novice." And with that he turned and strode down the hall to bother someone else.

Altair then did something he had seen many people do through the Apple. He face-palmed. He heard the shlink of the hidden blade as it came out of its hiding place, he heard the squelch as the blade bit into his eye and he heard the small gasp that escaped his lips. He stood there, too shocked to move. An Assassin guard walked past to see him standing there, his hand to his face and blood running down it.

"Get a doctor!" he yelled to another guard as he ran over to remove the blade from Altair's eye.

A few hours later Altair was asleep on his bed. He had a cloth covering his eye with a bandage holding it in place.

**Assassins shouldn't high five either**

**(In this fic Lucy doesn't die cos I need her to be a bitch)**

It was another wonderful day in Desmond's life. On the run from Templars and Abstergo, hiding out in the Grand Temple and watching his ancestors through the animus 2.0. He was currently waking up from a nap to hear Shaun, Lucy and Rebecca arguing. He walked over to see what all the fuss was about. Turns out that they were arguing about whether or not he should be allowed outside. Rebecca thought he should be allowed out after spending so much time in the animus. Lucy thought he should stay inside for his own safety, the Templars are looking for him. But Shaun was on the fence. On one hand he wanted Desmond out so he could continue his work without having to make archives of everything he does or answer his stupid questions but he did agree that it was too dangerous with the Templars about. Desmond decided it was time to join the conversation, it was about him after all.

"I think I should go outside," he stated bluntly.

"Wha- Oh, Desmond! I didn't realise you were awake. How long have you been up?" asked Lucy, only just noticing Desmond was awake.

"Not long. It was actually you guys fighting that woke me up."

"Oh… Sorry. I was just explaining to Lucy why I think you should be allowed to go outside. I thought with all the time you've been cooped up inside and on the animus over the past few months, you might enjoy the greenery here."

"And I was just explaining to Rebecca that Desmond cannot go outside because of the Templars!"

"Desmond should be allowed to go outside… for at least a short amount of time," Shaun quickly added the last part after Lucy started to give him death glares.

"Exactly. He should be allowed out for brief intervals. I know I'd get sick of being inside if I'd been inside almost 24/7 for the past few months," Rebecca agreed.

"Desmond can't go outside AT ALL because the Templars are looking for him! And if they get him, they get the key!"

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT IN THE ROOM! HELLO? LUCY, I'M STILL HERE!" Desmond screamed at Lucy. He was tired of being treated like he wasn't there. "God, you are such a bitch! Why can't you just let up for a while. Jeez, people are gonna think you're my mom. If I wan't to go outside, I will. If I feel like staying inside, I'll stay inside. You re not my mom. I repeat, You are not MY MOTHER!"

Everyone stared, speechless. Lucy looked like they'd all slapped her in the face. She just stormed off, saying unspeakables about all their parents while Rebecca went back to work. As soon as they were out of earshot Shaun cracked up laughing.

"Way to go Desmond. Givin' it to Lucy like that. I think that deserves a high five, don't you agree?" Shaun though it was hilarious. He held his hand out and Desmond high fived him, forgetting he still had the hidden blades on. SHLINK. SQUELCH. Gas- no wait SCREAM! "MY HAND! MY HAND! DESMOND ATTACKED MY HAND! He… He… Hidden Blade… High five… and…" he feinted.

"Uh… REBECCA! LUCY!"

**And so ended another fine tale in the land of… Earth. Review! Criticism welcome.**


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